Sunday, May 15, 2011

What are you afraid of?

Recently Father Mark in our church service asked the question, "what are you afraid of?"

First thought of long term fear icon? I hate those monkeys. When they take off out that window with orders to get Dorothy, my skin crawls. The music, geez, creepy, creepy. They terrified me as a child.

But, I know they aren't real. There are many real fears today, for many of us. Financial fears, relationship fears, health fears and even aging fears. I don't know about you, but every so often, I get a look in the mirror and I see a few more miles on the face.

I am outing myself in my blog this morning. I have something that scares me bad. Real bad. It is something that doesn't scare you, it is my own fear. My own personal creepy fear and I haven't told anyone.

You see, it is time for me to step out of my quiet incubator and get back to the hearing world. And there is only one way to do it. I have to get a cochlear implant. Now, we are talking raw, skin tingling fear. Slam the door shut fear. Cover my eyes and burrow under the blanket fear.

So, what is there to be afraid of? To be blunt, I'm not keen on drilling into my head, implanting this device and then attaching a giant thingamajig to my head with wires leading down to a box. It just has a major ick factor to me. Major creepo factor and fear...what if it doesn't work? What if the world sounds like Mickey Mouse? It really is my last hope to hold on to the hearing world. So, the fear.

The reality of it is this, I'm tired. And my tiredness for the first time outweighs my fear. I am tired of apologizing to people for not hearing them. I'm tired of missing the punch lines, the important news and even the little idle conversation that makes weaves the fabric of my day. I'm tired of accepting less when I want more. I miss my work, I miss the connection and above all, I miss you.

So, if you would, I could use your prayers. I have some investigating to do, right doctor, finances and at the same time, I'll be building my confidence.

From the time Gracie was little, we always talked about facing your fears. Eleanor Roosevelt said "do the one thing you fear the most." Well, it is time to kick the monkeys out of my head and move forward with the plan. I'll keep you posted and I hope you will pray that I find the courage. Thank you for this.

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